I worry too much about making messes. Ask my scrub techs in the OR, and they will tell you that I am constantly cleaning while operating. Folding lap sponges and suctioning everything, making sure my field is spotless. In surgery, this may be a great policy, but it adds a challenging element to raising an almost toddler. She is at this wonderful exploratory stage. Texture is a new discovery for her and she delights in squishing things between her fingers. Avocados, honeydew, bananas are all crushed in her path! Like a mini-godzilla, blueberries pop in her fists and she displays her mighty grip at every opportunity.
I am a woman who likes to be in control. I like a clean floor, a snot-free nose, impeccable baby clothes. I became obsessed with Babyganics stain remover when a friend introduced me to it. I could spray away anything! I have tried to feed my daughter foods that leave little trace of their existence and meticulously contain the ever multiplying puddle of crumbs encircling her high chair.
I don't think I realized how anal I was being until I noticed Maika with one of her baby wipes aggressively cleaning the bamboo floor. She then moved on to wiping the legs of a nearby stool, industriously scrubbing away.
Is this the legacy I want to leave behind? An anxious mommy who is always cleaning and worried about being messy? No, no, that isn't right I say in the glorious words of moo, baa, la la la. I want to be fun. I am fun!
Being a parent means letting go. Relinquishing control. Living in this moment now. All I have is today. As I write this on vacation in San Francisco, refreshed from a run on the pier, a belly full of great coffee, freshly baked croissants (yes plural!) and a sleeping baby next to me, I recognize how good this life is. I would be so foolish to squander it worried about messes, good preschools or stained onesies.
Give in to the madness! Enjoy this moment.
Make a big mess and laugh really hard. It's okay. You can clean up later.
Xo,
M
