Wheeeee!

Maika's first time on the swings. Was it glorious? Was it magical squealing delight? Was it bubbling laughter and little plump legs kicking away?
Sadly, no. Mostly confusion and what on earth are you doing to me, mother?
In the midst of the swing experiment falling flat, the NRA also managed to ruin my day.
Parenting seems to have a lot of these moments. Little day to day events feel monumental and we somehow have to temper those feelings with emotions over major political upheaval, social injustice and newsworthy violence. I think even her birth was this way. I put too much unnecessary pressure and expectation on every moment, wanting it to be amazing with sparkles, rainbows and cherubs. Meanwhile, I knew all to well that there were other women in labor all around the world just hoping to survive their delivery.
Sometimes what I envision in my idealistic mind falls a little flat and I can't beat myself up over wanting so much for my daughter and losing sight of the big picture...that just bringing her up in a stable two parent home is enough.

There are going to be so many things my daughter will love that I will not, things that I would want so badly for her to appreciate that she might find ridiculous. Maybe she will be a six-foot awkward girl who hates sports or a gangly teen with a love for Dungeons and Dragons. The point is, I have no control.
I can't live in a world of expectations. I can't micromanage Maika. I can't hope for her to be anyway other than the way she wants to be. It is very hard to allow your child grow into their own personality with the appropriate amount of guidance. I don't want to burden her with any of my own emotional baggage. Hopes and dreams of mine be damned, she is going to be a child who lives an loves in her own way.
Today, all I can write is that I am disappointed in our Senate for not working towards minimizing gun violence and my daughter is not in love with the swings.
Next time, swings, we will meet again.

In the other half of my brain worrying about the sorry-ass state of our country, President Obama, thanks for caring so much about keeping my daughter safe. I heard it in your voice and it made me a little weepy. It made my mundane worries feel small. It reminded me to remember what really matters.